I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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