At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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