Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
