that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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