Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
