just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
