He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
