why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize