she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
