I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
