I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
