In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
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The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
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My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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