your parents love me but you hate me
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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