Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
