For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
