Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
