Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize