My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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