You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
