He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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