god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
