Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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