Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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