So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
