dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
