So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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