it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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