walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
