Four minutes until I can fart!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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