So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
