He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
