i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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