where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
