i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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