He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
