but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
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I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
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When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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