careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
