woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
