if you like me you must not know who I am
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
