i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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