Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
