Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
