And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
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I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
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It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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