do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
