Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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