I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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