An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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