You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
