Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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