a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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