I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
