her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
