my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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