Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
