Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
