Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I checked into jail on foursquare
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
