After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
