i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
