The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
