Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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