Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
