I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
