I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
