How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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