How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
