I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
