I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
