First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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