is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
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I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
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Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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