Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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