fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
