I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that