Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
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He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
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My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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