but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding