i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
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GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
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I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...