i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea