I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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