Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
