Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
