I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
