I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
