Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
