Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i already hear my dad disowning me
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
it glows. i had to have it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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