ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
