tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
