I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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