I accidentally burped into my bong.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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